I'll Be Back...I'm Back

Okay, It's been too long. I am back. For reals. I'm back. I took a sabbatical. A wrong turn. A horrible mistake. All of the above. So this was the first huge test in my diet. I never took into account my STRESS & ANXIETY! I have a very strong mind when it comes to negative thoughts, as well as positive thoughts. When I am down, I am DOWNNNN! When I am up, I am UPPP! I don't want to make this into a whole "my childhood was rough" type of thing, but facts are it was. I grew up with a bi-polar Mother. Now, I know that  puts me at a higher risk of being bi-polar myself. I am VERY self-aware of myself and my moods. It scares me so much that I might be bi-polar, that I ask my husband on a regular basis if some of my actions seem out of place. Well this whole past 2 months that I have been going downhill. I'm not saying I have it, but I do feel like I have picked up more then bad eating habits. I'm usually good at spotting these mental breakdowns, if you will. This is all very personal to be putting out there, but I just want to share this side of my diet. 

It all didn't just hit me BAM, I'm cheating, forget the diet. It crept up slowly and consistently. I started to stress and cheated a little here and a little there. It did take a while to just completely stop the diet and positive thoughts that I built up. One thing I know for sure that didn't help, was when I stopped blogging. I was feeling guilty about letting anyone down mostly myself that I didn't want to continue to write about my failures. 

Either way, let's now dwell on the negative and get back in workout/diet mode. Even though I stopped the diet, I kept going to the gym. Just recently in the past 3 weeks I have completely given up the Medifast diet & the gym. I have gained 8 pounds, which puts me @ 228. I'm mad that I have to lose 8 pounds and then I can break that 220 barrier. I am on a mission to break the 200 barrier really. In my mind, I know I can do it. I started my meals at 9am so the next meal will be at 11am or 12am. Still deciding what I am going to do. I think I will try and stay extra busy so that I can eat my salad @12am. I'm excited. I know that I got hella sidetracked, but this will be another great mission for me to embark on. And let me tell you, going completely off the diet has made me realize that what you eat TOTALLY MATTERS! I have never felt so ridiculously GREAT, HEALTHY, and ENERGIZED ALL the way to SLUGGISH, SICK, and MORE DEPRESSED! When I went back to eating all the foods I used to, I felt so sick! It's like my body was yelling SALAD! I craved vegetables and protein more then ever, but because I was in a "I don't care anymore" type of mood, I just suppressed those cravings and ate crap. It really takes a toll on your body. I have never been more tired and sick in my life. Now Im back and I will let you know how the rest of my day is going. 

I've Lost my way a little bit, but I'm back

I have hit a bit of a rough patch. I haven't gained anything, but I haven't lost any weight either. I am cheating/going to the gym routinely. So basically I am working out what I am eating/cheating. It's sad, but I'm not going to linger on it. I'm going to have to take responsibility for this hiccup, rather huge burp, in the road. LoL. All my metaphors are out the window because as you can tell, I have been out of it all. I had a really stressful month and an even more stressful type eating. I didn't go off the whole medifast diet, but I wasn't sticking to it like I should be. I am so frustrated when I think of where I could be if I stuck to it, but I have to let that go. Blogging does help. It helps me stay on track and feel accountable to someone or something. I will write more tomorrow and that is a promise. Even if it is a sentence that I am doing okay. I'm going to need to do this. If I want to be successful, I have to keep track. I check my facebook enough, you would think I would come on here. I guess I haven't lately because of the guilt. Anyways, back on the POSITIVE MOTIVATION Train. Leaving Procrastination, Loserville in Stress county. I don't know why I keep coming up with this ridiculous puns? metaphors? craziness. Alrighty, more about this tomorrow. I think I am addicted to shopping too. Ugh, add it to my list of whiny failures that I WON"T BE TALKING ABOUT in my next entry because I'm leaving this crappy town. I was just looking back, but now I'm over it. hahaha sorry if this is very undecipherable. <<<surprised that word didn't give me a little red squiggly line. Ok. Wish me LUCK!

Lily

Struggles Not Getting Me Down

Hello! It's been awhile. I should be on here more often, but it's been a busy couple of weeks. I have been struggling to stay true! I have been cheating more often and it's not even funny. The other week I gained 2 lbs. and I think I'm going to gain more this week because I have been cheating left and right. I am not proud of it, but I'm not giving up either. It's something I know I will have to fight for every day. I am not sure of how much I will gain this time, but I have been going to the gym. I pray that one day, I will not struggle with food. Most of my cheating  is stress eating. Anytime I feel stressed or depressed, I want to stuff my face until I physically don't feel good anymore. It's pretty sad, but it's the truth. I cheat, but then I get right back up on that horse and work out. I just feel like my workouts have turned into working out what I just ate. It's frustrating because I should just eat what I am supposed too. Either way, last week I lost 5 lbs. I pray that I can lose more. Promise to update tomorrow for weigh-in. :) Wish me Luck !!

Ashamed

Sorry I haven't written in like 2 weeks and that is because the first week I GAINED 2 lbs. I was so mad because I had cheated bad because of lack of preparation. I attended my son's field trip and was so wrapped up in the last minute procrastinating of it all with  making him a lunch and getting myself/the rest of the family ready for it, that I didn't make my lunch or eat breakfast. I ended up eating a sandwich and was so upset with myself. Anyways, I also wasn't eating my meals every 3 hours for 4 of the days out of the week. It was horrible because I just kept forgetting and then splurging when I would eat with little extras on the side. All right, well there it is. SHAME on ME! I was doing so good and then that week was horrible, but on the flip side of this. I made up for it this week. On Week 6 I weighed 227. Week 7 = 229. And this week, drumroll please! Week 8 = 224.Yup, 5 lbs. this week. Thanks to sticking to the plan, working out regularly, and just plain old doing it the right way. I am way excited because I haven't been this small in a WHILE! Well I got to go, I will write more later. Bye

G.T.L. = Gym, Toddlers, Laundry

I did good last week. I did real good. I lost 5 lbs. last week and I went to the gym Mon - Fri!!! I am so excited because now that I have a little routine, I love it. I do 30 minutes on the elliptical, some crunches, and then go home.

I get so annoyed with skinny girls at the gym talking about how they need to lose 5 lbs.  because they are so fat.
 Ain't nobody got time for that!

 On friday I was lucky enough to go to the gym with my husband. It is rare that we have a date night, but his sister offered to watch our kids and we decided the gym seemed appropriate. I loved it! I love that we were not only spending time together, but we were doing something productive, beneficial, and healthy. My husband is also a good personal trainer because he used to be addicted to the gym and even broke some high school weightlifting records.

My husband in high school. lol jk  I love you honey.  My real one, not the imaginary one. 

 He was showing me some free weight exercises I can do and made sure I was doing the machines properly so I don't look like a lost puppy. *Which I frequently look like when I go near any of the machines besides the treadmills & ellipticals.* He also made me do reps and target my areas that I felt like needed work. I have got a great husband. Instead of telling me my weak areas or areas he thinks I should work on, he pretty much was sensitive to my uneasiness and asked me what I would like to work on. Love that man :) 

Anyways, as far as the eating goes, it's GREAT! I am used to the schedule of meals. I have been trying to justify my nibbles here and there of something I am not supposed to have. Like the other day I made the kids   cookies and I nibbled a piece and then felt instantly horrible. I know it probably wasn't even 1 calorie worth, but I just know I'm not supposed to do that. I know one day I will be able to do this diet without so much as a nibble/lick of anything I am not supposed too. I'm just trying to take this one day at a time. 

My lean & greens have been good. I have been alternating between salmon, veggie burgers, boneless chicken breasts, and ground turkey. I actually made a taco salad with the ground turkey and it was DELICIOUS! My healthy snacks have been either an apple or an orange. I realized that I needed to have a stronger mind. I needed to have a reminder of why I was doing this and what my results will be like. 

Ooh, this week I got a real good reason to stick to the diet and another great motivation for sticking to the diet and losing weight. My cousin is getting married and she asked me to be the Maid of Honor. I corrected her and told her the Matron of Honor because I'm the old lady in the line of 18-25 year olds. 

Yeah, well ever since I heard this I have been motivated to get my booty to the gym and stick strictly to the diet. The wedding is in August so I have 3 and a half months to get into wedding line shape! Especially because I will be wearing a bridesmaids dress! Also I need to plan the bachelorette party/other bridesmaids duties. I am excited.

I'm ready to parrrrrrtayyy with the best of them! lol

 Nothing like a competition of vanity to boost your motivation. Gosh, sometimes I get so mad because I feel more motivated to look good then to feel good. I just need to get over myself. All right, that's enough psycho babble. Hopefully I will write more this week. Wish me luck! I need it!

-Lily-

No White Flag Here

It's been awhile. Usually I am good about updating, but my computer has been broken and I don't care very much for the laptop/tablet/or phone. I like my old school, huge pc. I think it's because it is on a desk and the keyboard is bigger. I know you are probably so fascinated with my opinions on computers. lol So shall we move on to my diet.

Yes. I was very upset last week because I lost 2 lbs. I thought to myself, ONLY 2 lbs! I think I was more upset because I cheated, but I'm realizing I'm not always going to lose 5 lbs. every week. I should just be proud that it was in the negative and not the positive. That was weird to say in my head. Anyways, I lost 2 lbs. again this week and yeah I still cheated. I ate a piece of banana cake!

 I was so mad because I was thinking, I should be past all these temptations. I wasn't, but I am getting better. I have to be better about it or I won't see results. Hey, it's hard! I'm still trying to get used to birthday parties, family functions, and just plain not being prepared. It's a hard thing to be some place that the main focus is on FOOD, which like I said in the before is the main focus of every function I go to. My mothers birthday was on Tuesday so I made her a nice dinner and a huge banana cream cake.

 I found the recipe for the cake on pinterest. I know now, that I should stay away from pinterest recipes unless they are within the rules of my diet. I should have not made such a big cake. It was a huge pan full of cake and obviously was going to have leftovers considering it was just my husband, my mom, and me were the only adults. The kids eat cake, but not more than one piece. Moral of the story: Stop trying to bake yummy stuff until you know you can handle.

I am still glad tho that I lost. I'm on a good steady track.

On Track

Today is National Autism Awareness Day and my 7 year old son happens to be Autistic. He is the most bright, inspiring, sweet, and loving boy. I adore him and am thankful through all the laughs & trials that we are blessed to have him. He has a major speech delay and because of this, it makes him very frustrated. It's hard to watch someone you love try so hard to tell you a simple thing as how he feels. I have seen higher functioning kids with Autism, as well as lower functioning kids with Autism. These little angels are special & need to feel loved. It's not just a behavior thing, it's a neurological thing. My son is genius at times, yet one word could set him off to where he cannot handle his emotions. 

When I started this diet, the majority of my reasons for doing this was my kids, my son included. He is the oldest out of my 5 kids and in so many ways acts like the youngest. The one thing I love is that when I look into my sons eyes, he's there. He's not lost "in there", he's present. Often time I hear Mothers speak about their children as if their "in there", meaning he/she's present inside their own mind/body, but unable to come out of their shell. I have been blessed enough to see my son every day present, just without the ability to communicate. For that I am thankful for. For those suffering this way, my heart goes out to them. Whether you know someone who has Autism or not, people should always educate themselves.

 I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten dirty looks, judgmental attitudes, and straight up advice on how to "discipline" my child because he has tantrums. It's frustrating because I know some parents do mean well with their advice, but it doesn't always apply to the situation. All I am saying is, just because a child is having a tantrum(No matter how "normal" he/she looks/age) We should not be judgmental, but maybe offer a helping hand or a kind smile. 

Another thing that some people hate, is when you label your kid. Like how I can refer to my son as the Autistic one. I am not saying that THAT is ALL he is. And in no way am I saying that's all he will ever be. I like a label/diagnosis because it gives me somewhere to start. Some where I can educate myself, others, and try suggestions, different methods that other parents/teachers have tried. Not diagnosing your child or refusing to label/say he is autistic is completely up to each individual. For me & my family, we will stick to the diagnosis, work with what we know, and continue to fight for those children with Autism including my son. 



Here's a sheet that is a great start to learning more about Autism. 

Well, as far as the diet goes. I am doing FANTASTIC. I am going to try to work out Mon-Fri this week. I already ran 2 miles yesterday so Monday is covered. I have been doing the elliptical at the gym. I probably will add some light weight lifting by next week. I have been eating salad & chicken for my lean & greens. 

My body is kind of on a schedule now. I don't have to obsess about the next time that I eat because when I forget, I realize that I am hungry around the 3 hour mark. I am extremely happy that the diet is getting better. I am not craving to cheat anymore. I want to cheat more when I am stressed, bored, thirsty, and sometimes unconsciously. I ran out of all my crunch bars and so I think I am going to order more. 

All righty. No more new news on my end besides that I went to the gym last night and am dying from lack of sleep today. I have been staying up too late because there is a lot on my mind. Stressful things, yes, but not as bad as the stress from my car. My car is fixed, I am getting out of the house more, and I am happy :) Wish me luck this week!

Epic Fail from a Weakling

Yeah, the title says it all.

HAPPY EASTER everybody!

I don't think I have to tell you, but maybe I will. Just to torture myself. I was a bad girl this weekend. It all happened so fast. Not really. In my mind, the decision to eat something that I wasn't supposed to was in slow motion. That is even more worse because I had time to say no, but I didn't. And I'm a failure. Yes I know. Send me out back to get whipped. I deserve it. I tasted fake food & liked it. I should be shunned. I told my husband I didn't think I was ready for an all out feast with the in-laws just yet, but I didn't want to be the party pooper. I just really need to learn to say no. Nobody was offering me anything, I just need to learn to say no to myself. The conversation in my head went like this:

Me: Wow, there's a lot of good food here. They have BBQ chicken & salad so I should be good. Is that cupcakes? Eww, I don't even like cupcakes. Good for me. I'm so gonna stick to my diet. It's not even funny. I guess I should start making the rice krispy treats for the guests. It's not that big of a deal, I don't even like rice krispy treats that much. Aw man, who brought chips? I love Doritos. Mannn, that bratwurst looks GOOD! Steaming hot dog on a bun with ketchup and mustard. I can just take a nibble. That probably won't even count as 1 calorie. Probably a mili-calorie. Mili-calorie is real right? Who cares, they always say mili-something when it's a small measurement. I'll just nibble this and it will be a mili-calorie. *CHOMP! Hotdog destroyed.* What the hell just happened? Did I just devour this hot dog? ARGHHHH! I guess my diets ruined, so who cares if I just eat this rice krispy treat dipped in chocolate. It's okay. Tomorrows another day.

ARGHHHHH!!!!! So frustrating. I don't want to have the mentality of "tomorrows another day". I want to start this and get it over with. I want to be able to hit my goal weight and stay on the straight and narrow path. I want to keep my eye on the prize and not be tempted by anything getting in my way. I swear sometimes I have the attention span of a goldfish! (3 seconds)

So what now? Well I woke up with a refreshed sense of forgiveness and motivation. I have to take it one day at a time, even if it is a FAILURE! I'm getting up again. I know that this food journal/blog is turning into one big sin confession of how I have failed, but trust me. I will get out of this slump. It may not be in a short amount of time, it may take longer then expected, but I will not fail. I can't fail. Failure is NOT AN OPTION. I know I can do it. I know that I love my family way too much to give up. I will fight every damn day to make sure that I am back on track, getting healthy, and learning some self-discipline. I am accountable for my health & I need to remember that. So, sorry for those that are reading this and thinking Blah, blah, blah, heard it all before, but I will not just be a broken record/scratched cd. I will succeed!

Your lovely ONE TIME Easter failure,
Lily

Wish me Luck ;p

I Feel Good

I Feel GOOD!

I'm back and Yup it's true. I haven't cheated. Hallelujah it's a miracle. All I have to say is I give credit to those that have started this diet and have NOT cheated. It takes some serious willpower! That of which I thought I had, but apparently was weak, but HEY I'm back and that's all that counts. I don't like when I get too down on myself because it doesn't benefit the diet. Besides, when I say "cheat" it means I am eating more vegetables, protein, or a medifast meal more then I am supposed too. It's not like I'm enjoying my fat piece of chocolate cake & high loaded carb pasta dish. I wish. I know that if I cheat by eating just regular foods that I like, then it's over.

This is the link to what Medifast thinks about cheating on your diet:
http://www.medifasthealth.org/medifast-diet/cheating-on-the-medifast-diet-outcome/


For the past 2 days my husband has BBQ'd my chicken and it has been tempting to NOT eat more then 1 piece of chicken! We used to BBQ boneless chicken thighs & bratwurst, but we have been doing turkey dogs & boneless chicken breasts. It's been super yummy because of that smoky flavor. I didn't think I was going to like boneless chicken breast on the grill, but it's way good. I guess I'm the queen of over-cooking things so I wasn't sure it was going to be moist in the middle. They were more then moist, they were delicious.

Let me stop before I start salivating at the mouth. I haven't exercised this week besides minor sweating during the household chores. Usually doing the laundry makes me sweat because the laundry room is upstairs, the clothes are hot when folding, and the putting away is all very sweat-worthy tasks. Can I just tell you that laundry is a pain in my butt. When I was single & even the beginning of my marriage, I actually enjoyed laundry. I would always think, what's the big deal & why are women always complaining about doing this? Ummm...try having kids. Even just having one kid it is RIDICULOUS. You change them in the morning, they spit up breakfast. You change them again & lunch is spilled. You change them again because they pooped all over, peed all over, spilled their drink, drooled too much. I mean, it's amazing that my kids even wear clothes sometimes. I remember when I just had my 4th child & the 3 boys ages were 2, 3, and 5. I would let them run around with just diapers on in the summer at home. I usually have to a do a load a day if I want to keep up with the laundry.

Anyways, long story short. I'm keeping busy, not cheating, and trying to keep myself motivated. Hope all is well with everyone else. Wish me luck this Easter weekend!

P.s.- I wrote this on Friday, but forgot to post it :)

I'm Losing It

I have so many thoughts in my brain that I can't type all the things I am thinking at once. I cheated today. I was so mad at myself that I have been kind of down. I cheated today for absolutely NO REASON and that is why I think I am so mad at myself. I have been having a little cabin fever because I haven't been out of the house going on 2 weeks now.

I wish this was the cabin fever I speak of, but it's not :(

My car is still in the shop and should be done either tomorrow or day after. My husband has a car, but I am not as comfortable driving stick *I just learned 4 years ago and have not practiced or driven a stick shift consistently since I learned* I usually like to walk outside to the park, but it's been FREEZING, raining, and snowing. I wasn't bored today, just a little stressed. I think I was having so much anxiety about everything. Today I was flipping out about my car. It needs a new transmission that is going to cost $2500.

My husband is a mechanic, but doesn't have time to fix a tranny just willy nilly. Not only that, he doesn't have the tools or a shop to just fix it in. The weather is so ridiculous. Spring snowstorms! Yuck. We have the money and that is why I say that I am worried about stupid things. It is going to be fixed, we can actually afford it, and I'm still stressing as if it's a big deal. 

Easter Dinner! Yum!

For some reason I was also stressing about Easter and whether my in-laws were going to want to do a big dinner. Usually they are big about holidays as far as food goes. It's not that I'm afraid I will cheat, it just doesn't seem like a fun thing to go to anymore. It's all food based, minor chit chat, and mostly food talk. hahaha I told my husband if they do ask us to come I am going to make the biggest green salad they ever seen*like that'll show them! Sure, it'll just show them to never invite me again so they won't feel obligated to eat my salad & veggies!* 

The one thing missing at most Polynesians dinners!

I don't know. Whenever I write down my actual thoughts of what I'm stressing about I feel like such a whiny baby. There are SO many major problems that should be stressed about in the world, but here's me in my life complaining that I CAN afford to fix my car and our family is fortunate enough to have big dinners on Easter..wah! wah! Poor me. I'm sorry. PityParty of 1 is leaving this blog! 

Onto my cheating ways. Once a cheater always a cheater. jk. I didn't eat a lean & green at lunch. Instead I had 2 Medifast Caramel Nut bars & a lite fat-free yogurt. I felt horrible because I should have just made a salad & my salmon, but I was sick of cooking. Or rather sick of cutting my salad. I should just pre-cut every thing like my sis-in-law suggested, but every time my husband brings the grocery's in the last thing I want to do after putting every thing away is cut a bunch of salad. 

I think another thing that was bugging me was doubt kept entering my mind. The what if's kept nagging at my brain. What if I can't do this? What if you stop losing weight? What if you will never get below 200? What if I dyed my hair brown? ...Well the last one is a possibility. The rest of the thoughts were that of someone who has been in the house too much. I don't know why I started to doubt myself, but I think it's part of how I work. Part of my low-self esteem. I sometimes feel like when I am doing good at something, some negative thoughts come into my mind about myself.

#TRUTH

 It's a disease. I have fought long and hard to get these thoughts out of my head about myself because I know I'm worth it. It took me a long time to love myself and I am still coming along. A lot of it has to do with my childhood, but we won't go into that right now. 

This is all I will say about my childhood & please excuse the bad word. I tried to cover it up, but it sums up my feelings.

I just know that today was a little setback, but I'm getting right back up. I'm still in it TO WIN IT! 

I'm not that worried about the candy & chocolates during Easter because like I said before, I was never real big on candy & sweets. It doesn't tempt me to see chocolate or candy.

 I have a theory about this. I feel like I don't like candy as much these days because I was SUCH a candy freak when I was a kid. I ate so much candy & was so spoiled with it that it made me kind of sick of it. It's like hamburgers. When I was 18 I was fed up with hamburgers. I went through this phase for like a year and a half. I only ate chicken sandwiches and other things, but whenever we went out to eat mentally I was disgusted with hamburgers. 

Yeah, so that's my theory on my brain. I get sick of things because I eat it so much that I protest it for a couple of years. hahaha I'm sorry. I'm laughing because I'm being completely ridiculous. Just know that I'm back on track and am trying my absolute best to fight this...this...whatever you want to call it. Food addiction. Or mental breakdown. Whichever or both. Please excuse this dribble/blog entry. I'm trying not to edit my life for those that are crazy enough to read my craziness. :)

Sorry, I'm losin it.

Happy Sabbath

Just wanted to update that I did my weigh in this morning and I lost 5 lbs. this week!!! Yeah baby! I am excited! And I only worked out on Wednesday! Hopefully my car will finally be fixed this week so that I can  actually work out at the gym. All righty. I'll write more tomorrow. Wish me luck :)

Quiet Saturday

Today was an excellent day. It was a relaxed Saturday, which doesn't happen often in this house. My kids were calm most of the day and they even took naps. My husband ran errands and finished off some home projects, while I cleaned & got to have some quiet time. My husband was fixing my car today as well, so he took my 2 sons with him. I was home with my oldest son and 2 girls who all decided to give me a break and take a nap at the same time. It was SO nice! That is why you currently see my blog page all blinged out. :) I figured this whole thing out by myself. Yup, I have a blog that looks half way decent! Yay for me!

How I used to eat. lol

As far as the diet, I'm becoming a pro. Well at least a pro at NOT cheating! I also am not counting the minutes till my next meal! I am also becoming full faster. I have been eating my lean & green meal, but filling full to the point that sometimes I don't want to finish the meal. I know it's not good to NOT finish your lean & green, but I make it a point to finish my lean & not so much the green. I eat the salad, it's just I don't feel like eating the whole thing. I am pretty proud of myself. 

My husband keeps commenting on how I look smaller. It feels great, even if he is just being nice. I do notice it too though, especially in my face. My jawline is slowly reappearing. I also have these "stretchy pants" kinda like sheer yoga pants. They usually cling to my skin to the point of no room, but today I wore them and there was actually a little saggy in the inner thigh/crotch area. I was WAY excited because I know these pants were SO tight! They were so tight that I usually just wore them around the house and never out.

Stretchy pants!

Most of my clothes were becoming like that. I was getting so big that everything was so tight. We didn't have enough money to go out and buy me a whole new wardrobe every time I got bigger so I would just deal with it. I would try to look cute, but I didn't feel cute. I felt overweight and depressed. I told my husband today how amazing it is that I am not getting depressed as much anymore. I found this quote about endorphins and it makes sense. It reminded me of  Legally Blonde. 

I have been eating a lot of boneless chicken breast lately. It's my go to dish when I am all out of ideas. I think I am at the end of my bake-the-chicken phase though. I usually just season it, bake it, and eat it with a tbsp of hot sauce and my salad. It's a good meal, but I kind of want to start cooking my meals with the kids. Combining my healthy lean & green with their dinner. I will have to integrate one of these days. I keep trying to help my husband to stop eating late. Weekends are hard because we want to stay up a little later to spend time with each other because the kids are asleep. He just ran to the store to get some "snacks". I was trying to steer him towards just calling it a night and sleep, but he was determined. Plus, we don't go the stores on Sunday so he wanted to get everything tonight for dinner tomorrow. We are running low on the veggies.

It's CRAZY how much FRESH vegetables we are going through a week. I love it. We have been eating  cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, cabbage, squash, and tomatoes. I haven't been eating all of those, but I have sure been cooking it for them. I updated my diet section so I can see my progress. Hopefully one of these days I will look back at all this and think, I really did it :) Well my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. I hear my pillow calling and I'm going to answer it. Wish me luck!

Shhh...I'm starting a REVOLUTION!

Ouch. My ears! 

Shhh....It's too early for the trolls to get up. I'm trying to type quietly because my 2 year old daughter *a.k.a Drama* is doing that whole wake up and cry for no reason because she's half asleep and half awake. ALL my kids have done this half asleep cry as I'm sure many other kids have done this. It's like they are confused as to what is going on and so they just cry. Yeah, well the normal kid will cry and you can hold them and maybe rock them back to sleep. NOT my daughter. She is a special child who does this PSYCHotic cry for like an hour type of toddler. She is the toddler that is SCREAMING for no reason just to hear the sound of her cry. We have seriously tried every thing. The only thing that works is talking nice to her to comfort her because she doesn't want to be touched. It's so annoying because my other kids you pretty much could yell at them to stop, but of course my little girl needs tender, love, and care to ease her so-called "pain". She is getting out of control because my husband spoils her, but that's another whole entry.

When I saw this picture on the right it totally reminds me of my kids. For people who don't have kids, these tantrums are totally their validation in why they don't want kids. These tantrums are worth the love you feel, maybe not at that moment, but definitely after when your child snuggles up against you. I feel for this lady because this is me almost every other week taking my kids any where. You try to be understanding, you try to be patient, but it's hard. It doesn't help when there are judgmental eyes every where. All you can do is try to assess the situation, review your exits, and pay no attention to the glares. It's inconvenient for every one and usually nobody wants to help, just judge. Judge your parenting skills and think of better ways their superior self would handle it. I have had other mothers offer a helping hand or smile, but it's getting more and more rare. All you want to do is gather what little dignity you had left, pick up your child and get the hell out of there. My heart goes out to all the parents who have experienced tantrums/meltdowns at public places. I always think in my mind, its going to be okay. "Go to your happy place." haha I just watched Happy Gilmore the other night. :)

Shooter McGavin

We've Only Just Begun by Chubbs

Back to the diet. I'm starting a revolution because ever since I started my diet, I have changed the way my husband & children are currently eating. My kids have even been looking a little leaner these days and I love it. Not starving lean, but healthy lean. My sister-in-law has been changing the way her family  have been eating. And my sister-in-law talked to her other brother and told him what we all have been doing and he's agreed to eat better as well. It's a CHRISTMAS Miracle!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

Minus the Christmas and maybe even the miracle. I am just happy people are changing the way we eat. I want to keep it up. I want to keep encouraging them and my own personal family to eat as healthy as possible so we can all establish healthy habits. My mom has been cutting back too. My dad has always gone to the gym and tries to eat healthy ever since he lost weight a couple of years back.

I am just happy that we all can do this together. It is really unifying. I know it's not rocket science and we are not curing cancer, well we kinda are reducing the risk of cancer statistically speaking. And some may think I pat myself on the back way too much. I find that celebrating mini accomplishments is a setup and confidence builder to tackle on more bigger goals/future accomplishments. So sue me.

Well said

Yesterday I did EXCELLENT! No cheating, no extra meals, and no yearnings. I realized I have been doing it all wrong. I've been eating every 2 hours, but I should just space it to 3 because sometimes I am not hungry and I'm just forcing myself to eat at the 2 hr mark. I also took the advice of my coach yesterday and whenever I felt like I was hungry, I drank some COLD water. More like chugged a whole water bottle and then I was cold most of the day. I have been cold ever since last week. My toes are always freezing and I'm always looking for a hoodie. I haven't lost tons of weight, but I just have been extra cold lately. It's usually the opposite. I'm usually the one that wants the air condition on in the winter because I'm always HOT!

FREEZING!

Anyways <<favorite transition word
 I have parent/teacher conference today for my 1st grader. Where does the time go? I hear a troll so I better go. *don't mistake my term of endearment, I love my little trolls* Wish me luck!

Ooh remember these creepy things!

Song of the Day: UPRISING by MUSE