Ashamed

Sorry I haven't written in like 2 weeks and that is because the first week I GAINED 2 lbs. I was so mad because I had cheated bad because of lack of preparation. I attended my son's field trip and was so wrapped up in the last minute procrastinating of it all with  making him a lunch and getting myself/the rest of the family ready for it, that I didn't make my lunch or eat breakfast. I ended up eating a sandwich and was so upset with myself. Anyways, I also wasn't eating my meals every 3 hours for 4 of the days out of the week. It was horrible because I just kept forgetting and then splurging when I would eat with little extras on the side. All right, well there it is. SHAME on ME! I was doing so good and then that week was horrible, but on the flip side of this. I made up for it this week. On Week 6 I weighed 227. Week 7 = 229. And this week, drumroll please! Week 8 = 224.Yup, 5 lbs. this week. Thanks to sticking to the plan, working out regularly, and just plain old doing it the right way. I am way excited because I haven't been this small in a WHILE! Well I got to go, I will write more later. Bye

G.T.L. = Gym, Toddlers, Laundry

I did good last week. I did real good. I lost 5 lbs. last week and I went to the gym Mon - Fri!!! I am so excited because now that I have a little routine, I love it. I do 30 minutes on the elliptical, some crunches, and then go home.

I get so annoyed with skinny girls at the gym talking about how they need to lose 5 lbs.  because they are so fat.
 Ain't nobody got time for that!

 On friday I was lucky enough to go to the gym with my husband. It is rare that we have a date night, but his sister offered to watch our kids and we decided the gym seemed appropriate. I loved it! I love that we were not only spending time together, but we were doing something productive, beneficial, and healthy. My husband is also a good personal trainer because he used to be addicted to the gym and even broke some high school weightlifting records.

My husband in high school. lol jk  I love you honey.  My real one, not the imaginary one. 

 He was showing me some free weight exercises I can do and made sure I was doing the machines properly so I don't look like a lost puppy. *Which I frequently look like when I go near any of the machines besides the treadmills & ellipticals.* He also made me do reps and target my areas that I felt like needed work. I have got a great husband. Instead of telling me my weak areas or areas he thinks I should work on, he pretty much was sensitive to my uneasiness and asked me what I would like to work on. Love that man :) 

Anyways, as far as the eating goes, it's GREAT! I am used to the schedule of meals. I have been trying to justify my nibbles here and there of something I am not supposed to have. Like the other day I made the kids   cookies and I nibbled a piece and then felt instantly horrible. I know it probably wasn't even 1 calorie worth, but I just know I'm not supposed to do that. I know one day I will be able to do this diet without so much as a nibble/lick of anything I am not supposed too. I'm just trying to take this one day at a time. 

My lean & greens have been good. I have been alternating between salmon, veggie burgers, boneless chicken breasts, and ground turkey. I actually made a taco salad with the ground turkey and it was DELICIOUS! My healthy snacks have been either an apple or an orange. I realized that I needed to have a stronger mind. I needed to have a reminder of why I was doing this and what my results will be like. 

Ooh, this week I got a real good reason to stick to the diet and another great motivation for sticking to the diet and losing weight. My cousin is getting married and she asked me to be the Maid of Honor. I corrected her and told her the Matron of Honor because I'm the old lady in the line of 18-25 year olds. 

Yeah, well ever since I heard this I have been motivated to get my booty to the gym and stick strictly to the diet. The wedding is in August so I have 3 and a half months to get into wedding line shape! Especially because I will be wearing a bridesmaids dress! Also I need to plan the bachelorette party/other bridesmaids duties. I am excited.

I'm ready to parrrrrrtayyy with the best of them! lol

 Nothing like a competition of vanity to boost your motivation. Gosh, sometimes I get so mad because I feel more motivated to look good then to feel good. I just need to get over myself. All right, that's enough psycho babble. Hopefully I will write more this week. Wish me luck! I need it!

-Lily-

No White Flag Here

It's been awhile. Usually I am good about updating, but my computer has been broken and I don't care very much for the laptop/tablet/or phone. I like my old school, huge pc. I think it's because it is on a desk and the keyboard is bigger. I know you are probably so fascinated with my opinions on computers. lol So shall we move on to my diet.

Yes. I was very upset last week because I lost 2 lbs. I thought to myself, ONLY 2 lbs! I think I was more upset because I cheated, but I'm realizing I'm not always going to lose 5 lbs. every week. I should just be proud that it was in the negative and not the positive. That was weird to say in my head. Anyways, I lost 2 lbs. again this week and yeah I still cheated. I ate a piece of banana cake!

 I was so mad because I was thinking, I should be past all these temptations. I wasn't, but I am getting better. I have to be better about it or I won't see results. Hey, it's hard! I'm still trying to get used to birthday parties, family functions, and just plain not being prepared. It's a hard thing to be some place that the main focus is on FOOD, which like I said in the before is the main focus of every function I go to. My mothers birthday was on Tuesday so I made her a nice dinner and a huge banana cream cake.

 I found the recipe for the cake on pinterest. I know now, that I should stay away from pinterest recipes unless they are within the rules of my diet. I should have not made such a big cake. It was a huge pan full of cake and obviously was going to have leftovers considering it was just my husband, my mom, and me were the only adults. The kids eat cake, but not more than one piece. Moral of the story: Stop trying to bake yummy stuff until you know you can handle.

I am still glad tho that I lost. I'm on a good steady track.

On Track

Today is National Autism Awareness Day and my 7 year old son happens to be Autistic. He is the most bright, inspiring, sweet, and loving boy. I adore him and am thankful through all the laughs & trials that we are blessed to have him. He has a major speech delay and because of this, it makes him very frustrated. It's hard to watch someone you love try so hard to tell you a simple thing as how he feels. I have seen higher functioning kids with Autism, as well as lower functioning kids with Autism. These little angels are special & need to feel loved. It's not just a behavior thing, it's a neurological thing. My son is genius at times, yet one word could set him off to where he cannot handle his emotions. 

When I started this diet, the majority of my reasons for doing this was my kids, my son included. He is the oldest out of my 5 kids and in so many ways acts like the youngest. The one thing I love is that when I look into my sons eyes, he's there. He's not lost "in there", he's present. Often time I hear Mothers speak about their children as if their "in there", meaning he/she's present inside their own mind/body, but unable to come out of their shell. I have been blessed enough to see my son every day present, just without the ability to communicate. For that I am thankful for. For those suffering this way, my heart goes out to them. Whether you know someone who has Autism or not, people should always educate themselves.

 I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten dirty looks, judgmental attitudes, and straight up advice on how to "discipline" my child because he has tantrums. It's frustrating because I know some parents do mean well with their advice, but it doesn't always apply to the situation. All I am saying is, just because a child is having a tantrum(No matter how "normal" he/she looks/age) We should not be judgmental, but maybe offer a helping hand or a kind smile. 

Another thing that some people hate, is when you label your kid. Like how I can refer to my son as the Autistic one. I am not saying that THAT is ALL he is. And in no way am I saying that's all he will ever be. I like a label/diagnosis because it gives me somewhere to start. Some where I can educate myself, others, and try suggestions, different methods that other parents/teachers have tried. Not diagnosing your child or refusing to label/say he is autistic is completely up to each individual. For me & my family, we will stick to the diagnosis, work with what we know, and continue to fight for those children with Autism including my son. 



Here's a sheet that is a great start to learning more about Autism. 

Well, as far as the diet goes. I am doing FANTASTIC. I am going to try to work out Mon-Fri this week. I already ran 2 miles yesterday so Monday is covered. I have been doing the elliptical at the gym. I probably will add some light weight lifting by next week. I have been eating salad & chicken for my lean & greens. 

My body is kind of on a schedule now. I don't have to obsess about the next time that I eat because when I forget, I realize that I am hungry around the 3 hour mark. I am extremely happy that the diet is getting better. I am not craving to cheat anymore. I want to cheat more when I am stressed, bored, thirsty, and sometimes unconsciously. I ran out of all my crunch bars and so I think I am going to order more. 

All righty. No more new news on my end besides that I went to the gym last night and am dying from lack of sleep today. I have been staying up too late because there is a lot on my mind. Stressful things, yes, but not as bad as the stress from my car. My car is fixed, I am getting out of the house more, and I am happy :) Wish me luck this week!

Epic Fail from a Weakling

Yeah, the title says it all.

HAPPY EASTER everybody!

I don't think I have to tell you, but maybe I will. Just to torture myself. I was a bad girl this weekend. It all happened so fast. Not really. In my mind, the decision to eat something that I wasn't supposed to was in slow motion. That is even more worse because I had time to say no, but I didn't. And I'm a failure. Yes I know. Send me out back to get whipped. I deserve it. I tasted fake food & liked it. I should be shunned. I told my husband I didn't think I was ready for an all out feast with the in-laws just yet, but I didn't want to be the party pooper. I just really need to learn to say no. Nobody was offering me anything, I just need to learn to say no to myself. The conversation in my head went like this:

Me: Wow, there's a lot of good food here. They have BBQ chicken & salad so I should be good. Is that cupcakes? Eww, I don't even like cupcakes. Good for me. I'm so gonna stick to my diet. It's not even funny. I guess I should start making the rice krispy treats for the guests. It's not that big of a deal, I don't even like rice krispy treats that much. Aw man, who brought chips? I love Doritos. Mannn, that bratwurst looks GOOD! Steaming hot dog on a bun with ketchup and mustard. I can just take a nibble. That probably won't even count as 1 calorie. Probably a mili-calorie. Mili-calorie is real right? Who cares, they always say mili-something when it's a small measurement. I'll just nibble this and it will be a mili-calorie. *CHOMP! Hotdog destroyed.* What the hell just happened? Did I just devour this hot dog? ARGHHHH! I guess my diets ruined, so who cares if I just eat this rice krispy treat dipped in chocolate. It's okay. Tomorrows another day.

ARGHHHHH!!!!! So frustrating. I don't want to have the mentality of "tomorrows another day". I want to start this and get it over with. I want to be able to hit my goal weight and stay on the straight and narrow path. I want to keep my eye on the prize and not be tempted by anything getting in my way. I swear sometimes I have the attention span of a goldfish! (3 seconds)

So what now? Well I woke up with a refreshed sense of forgiveness and motivation. I have to take it one day at a time, even if it is a FAILURE! I'm getting up again. I know that this food journal/blog is turning into one big sin confession of how I have failed, but trust me. I will get out of this slump. It may not be in a short amount of time, it may take longer then expected, but I will not fail. I can't fail. Failure is NOT AN OPTION. I know I can do it. I know that I love my family way too much to give up. I will fight every damn day to make sure that I am back on track, getting healthy, and learning some self-discipline. I am accountable for my health & I need to remember that. So, sorry for those that are reading this and thinking Blah, blah, blah, heard it all before, but I will not just be a broken record/scratched cd. I will succeed!

Your lovely ONE TIME Easter failure,
Lily

Wish me Luck ;p

I Feel Good

I Feel GOOD!

I'm back and Yup it's true. I haven't cheated. Hallelujah it's a miracle. All I have to say is I give credit to those that have started this diet and have NOT cheated. It takes some serious willpower! That of which I thought I had, but apparently was weak, but HEY I'm back and that's all that counts. I don't like when I get too down on myself because it doesn't benefit the diet. Besides, when I say "cheat" it means I am eating more vegetables, protein, or a medifast meal more then I am supposed too. It's not like I'm enjoying my fat piece of chocolate cake & high loaded carb pasta dish. I wish. I know that if I cheat by eating just regular foods that I like, then it's over.

This is the link to what Medifast thinks about cheating on your diet:
http://www.medifasthealth.org/medifast-diet/cheating-on-the-medifast-diet-outcome/


For the past 2 days my husband has BBQ'd my chicken and it has been tempting to NOT eat more then 1 piece of chicken! We used to BBQ boneless chicken thighs & bratwurst, but we have been doing turkey dogs & boneless chicken breasts. It's been super yummy because of that smoky flavor. I didn't think I was going to like boneless chicken breast on the grill, but it's way good. I guess I'm the queen of over-cooking things so I wasn't sure it was going to be moist in the middle. They were more then moist, they were delicious.

Let me stop before I start salivating at the mouth. I haven't exercised this week besides minor sweating during the household chores. Usually doing the laundry makes me sweat because the laundry room is upstairs, the clothes are hot when folding, and the putting away is all very sweat-worthy tasks. Can I just tell you that laundry is a pain in my butt. When I was single & even the beginning of my marriage, I actually enjoyed laundry. I would always think, what's the big deal & why are women always complaining about doing this? Ummm...try having kids. Even just having one kid it is RIDICULOUS. You change them in the morning, they spit up breakfast. You change them again & lunch is spilled. You change them again because they pooped all over, peed all over, spilled their drink, drooled too much. I mean, it's amazing that my kids even wear clothes sometimes. I remember when I just had my 4th child & the 3 boys ages were 2, 3, and 5. I would let them run around with just diapers on in the summer at home. I usually have to a do a load a day if I want to keep up with the laundry.

Anyways, long story short. I'm keeping busy, not cheating, and trying to keep myself motivated. Hope all is well with everyone else. Wish me luck this Easter weekend!

P.s.- I wrote this on Friday, but forgot to post it :)