I'll Be Back...I'm Back

Okay, It's been too long. I am back. For reals. I'm back. I took a sabbatical. A wrong turn. A horrible mistake. All of the above. So this was the first huge test in my diet. I never took into account my STRESS & ANXIETY! I have a very strong mind when it comes to negative thoughts, as well as positive thoughts. When I am down, I am DOWNNNN! When I am up, I am UPPP! I don't want to make this into a whole "my childhood was rough" type of thing, but facts are it was. I grew up with a bi-polar Mother. Now, I know that  puts me at a higher risk of being bi-polar myself. I am VERY self-aware of myself and my moods. It scares me so much that I might be bi-polar, that I ask my husband on a regular basis if some of my actions seem out of place. Well this whole past 2 months that I have been going downhill. I'm not saying I have it, but I do feel like I have picked up more then bad eating habits. I'm usually good at spotting these mental breakdowns, if you will. This is all very personal to be putting out there, but I just want to share this side of my diet. 

It all didn't just hit me BAM, I'm cheating, forget the diet. It crept up slowly and consistently. I started to stress and cheated a little here and a little there. It did take a while to just completely stop the diet and positive thoughts that I built up. One thing I know for sure that didn't help, was when I stopped blogging. I was feeling guilty about letting anyone down mostly myself that I didn't want to continue to write about my failures. 

Either way, let's now dwell on the negative and get back in workout/diet mode. Even though I stopped the diet, I kept going to the gym. Just recently in the past 3 weeks I have completely given up the Medifast diet & the gym. I have gained 8 pounds, which puts me @ 228. I'm mad that I have to lose 8 pounds and then I can break that 220 barrier. I am on a mission to break the 200 barrier really. In my mind, I know I can do it. I started my meals at 9am so the next meal will be at 11am or 12am. Still deciding what I am going to do. I think I will try and stay extra busy so that I can eat my salad @12am. I'm excited. I know that I got hella sidetracked, but this will be another great mission for me to embark on. And let me tell you, going completely off the diet has made me realize that what you eat TOTALLY MATTERS! I have never felt so ridiculously GREAT, HEALTHY, and ENERGIZED ALL the way to SLUGGISH, SICK, and MORE DEPRESSED! When I went back to eating all the foods I used to, I felt so sick! It's like my body was yelling SALAD! I craved vegetables and protein more then ever, but because I was in a "I don't care anymore" type of mood, I just suppressed those cravings and ate crap. It really takes a toll on your body. I have never been more tired and sick in my life. Now Im back and I will let you know how the rest of my day is going. 

I've Lost my way a little bit, but I'm back

I have hit a bit of a rough patch. I haven't gained anything, but I haven't lost any weight either. I am cheating/going to the gym routinely. So basically I am working out what I am eating/cheating. It's sad, but I'm not going to linger on it. I'm going to have to take responsibility for this hiccup, rather huge burp, in the road. LoL. All my metaphors are out the window because as you can tell, I have been out of it all. I had a really stressful month and an even more stressful type eating. I didn't go off the whole medifast diet, but I wasn't sticking to it like I should be. I am so frustrated when I think of where I could be if I stuck to it, but I have to let that go. Blogging does help. It helps me stay on track and feel accountable to someone or something. I will write more tomorrow and that is a promise. Even if it is a sentence that I am doing okay. I'm going to need to do this. If I want to be successful, I have to keep track. I check my facebook enough, you would think I would come on here. I guess I haven't lately because of the guilt. Anyways, back on the POSITIVE MOTIVATION Train. Leaving Procrastination, Loserville in Stress county. I don't know why I keep coming up with this ridiculous puns? metaphors? craziness. Alrighty, more about this tomorrow. I think I am addicted to shopping too. Ugh, add it to my list of whiny failures that I WON"T BE TALKING ABOUT in my next entry because I'm leaving this crappy town. I was just looking back, but now I'm over it. hahaha sorry if this is very undecipherable. <<<surprised that word didn't give me a little red squiggly line. Ok. Wish me LUCK!

Lily

Struggles Not Getting Me Down

Hello! It's been awhile. I should be on here more often, but it's been a busy couple of weeks. I have been struggling to stay true! I have been cheating more often and it's not even funny. The other week I gained 2 lbs. and I think I'm going to gain more this week because I have been cheating left and right. I am not proud of it, but I'm not giving up either. It's something I know I will have to fight for every day. I am not sure of how much I will gain this time, but I have been going to the gym. I pray that one day, I will not struggle with food. Most of my cheating  is stress eating. Anytime I feel stressed or depressed, I want to stuff my face until I physically don't feel good anymore. It's pretty sad, but it's the truth. I cheat, but then I get right back up on that horse and work out. I just feel like my workouts have turned into working out what I just ate. It's frustrating because I should just eat what I am supposed too. Either way, last week I lost 5 lbs. I pray that I can lose more. Promise to update tomorrow for weigh-in. :) Wish me Luck !!

Ashamed

Sorry I haven't written in like 2 weeks and that is because the first week I GAINED 2 lbs. I was so mad because I had cheated bad because of lack of preparation. I attended my son's field trip and was so wrapped up in the last minute procrastinating of it all with  making him a lunch and getting myself/the rest of the family ready for it, that I didn't make my lunch or eat breakfast. I ended up eating a sandwich and was so upset with myself. Anyways, I also wasn't eating my meals every 3 hours for 4 of the days out of the week. It was horrible because I just kept forgetting and then splurging when I would eat with little extras on the side. All right, well there it is. SHAME on ME! I was doing so good and then that week was horrible, but on the flip side of this. I made up for it this week. On Week 6 I weighed 227. Week 7 = 229. And this week, drumroll please! Week 8 = 224.Yup, 5 lbs. this week. Thanks to sticking to the plan, working out regularly, and just plain old doing it the right way. I am way excited because I haven't been this small in a WHILE! Well I got to go, I will write more later. Bye

G.T.L. = Gym, Toddlers, Laundry

I did good last week. I did real good. I lost 5 lbs. last week and I went to the gym Mon - Fri!!! I am so excited because now that I have a little routine, I love it. I do 30 minutes on the elliptical, some crunches, and then go home.

I get so annoyed with skinny girls at the gym talking about how they need to lose 5 lbs.  because they are so fat.
 Ain't nobody got time for that!

 On friday I was lucky enough to go to the gym with my husband. It is rare that we have a date night, but his sister offered to watch our kids and we decided the gym seemed appropriate. I loved it! I love that we were not only spending time together, but we were doing something productive, beneficial, and healthy. My husband is also a good personal trainer because he used to be addicted to the gym and even broke some high school weightlifting records.

My husband in high school. lol jk  I love you honey.  My real one, not the imaginary one. 

 He was showing me some free weight exercises I can do and made sure I was doing the machines properly so I don't look like a lost puppy. *Which I frequently look like when I go near any of the machines besides the treadmills & ellipticals.* He also made me do reps and target my areas that I felt like needed work. I have got a great husband. Instead of telling me my weak areas or areas he thinks I should work on, he pretty much was sensitive to my uneasiness and asked me what I would like to work on. Love that man :) 

Anyways, as far as the eating goes, it's GREAT! I am used to the schedule of meals. I have been trying to justify my nibbles here and there of something I am not supposed to have. Like the other day I made the kids   cookies and I nibbled a piece and then felt instantly horrible. I know it probably wasn't even 1 calorie worth, but I just know I'm not supposed to do that. I know one day I will be able to do this diet without so much as a nibble/lick of anything I am not supposed too. I'm just trying to take this one day at a time. 

My lean & greens have been good. I have been alternating between salmon, veggie burgers, boneless chicken breasts, and ground turkey. I actually made a taco salad with the ground turkey and it was DELICIOUS! My healthy snacks have been either an apple or an orange. I realized that I needed to have a stronger mind. I needed to have a reminder of why I was doing this and what my results will be like. 

Ooh, this week I got a real good reason to stick to the diet and another great motivation for sticking to the diet and losing weight. My cousin is getting married and she asked me to be the Maid of Honor. I corrected her and told her the Matron of Honor because I'm the old lady in the line of 18-25 year olds. 

Yeah, well ever since I heard this I have been motivated to get my booty to the gym and stick strictly to the diet. The wedding is in August so I have 3 and a half months to get into wedding line shape! Especially because I will be wearing a bridesmaids dress! Also I need to plan the bachelorette party/other bridesmaids duties. I am excited.

I'm ready to parrrrrrtayyy with the best of them! lol

 Nothing like a competition of vanity to boost your motivation. Gosh, sometimes I get so mad because I feel more motivated to look good then to feel good. I just need to get over myself. All right, that's enough psycho babble. Hopefully I will write more this week. Wish me luck! I need it!

-Lily-

No White Flag Here

It's been awhile. Usually I am good about updating, but my computer has been broken and I don't care very much for the laptop/tablet/or phone. I like my old school, huge pc. I think it's because it is on a desk and the keyboard is bigger. I know you are probably so fascinated with my opinions on computers. lol So shall we move on to my diet.

Yes. I was very upset last week because I lost 2 lbs. I thought to myself, ONLY 2 lbs! I think I was more upset because I cheated, but I'm realizing I'm not always going to lose 5 lbs. every week. I should just be proud that it was in the negative and not the positive. That was weird to say in my head. Anyways, I lost 2 lbs. again this week and yeah I still cheated. I ate a piece of banana cake!

 I was so mad because I was thinking, I should be past all these temptations. I wasn't, but I am getting better. I have to be better about it or I won't see results. Hey, it's hard! I'm still trying to get used to birthday parties, family functions, and just plain not being prepared. It's a hard thing to be some place that the main focus is on FOOD, which like I said in the before is the main focus of every function I go to. My mothers birthday was on Tuesday so I made her a nice dinner and a huge banana cream cake.

 I found the recipe for the cake on pinterest. I know now, that I should stay away from pinterest recipes unless they are within the rules of my diet. I should have not made such a big cake. It was a huge pan full of cake and obviously was going to have leftovers considering it was just my husband, my mom, and me were the only adults. The kids eat cake, but not more than one piece. Moral of the story: Stop trying to bake yummy stuff until you know you can handle.

I am still glad tho that I lost. I'm on a good steady track.

On Track

Today is National Autism Awareness Day and my 7 year old son happens to be Autistic. He is the most bright, inspiring, sweet, and loving boy. I adore him and am thankful through all the laughs & trials that we are blessed to have him. He has a major speech delay and because of this, it makes him very frustrated. It's hard to watch someone you love try so hard to tell you a simple thing as how he feels. I have seen higher functioning kids with Autism, as well as lower functioning kids with Autism. These little angels are special & need to feel loved. It's not just a behavior thing, it's a neurological thing. My son is genius at times, yet one word could set him off to where he cannot handle his emotions. 

When I started this diet, the majority of my reasons for doing this was my kids, my son included. He is the oldest out of my 5 kids and in so many ways acts like the youngest. The one thing I love is that when I look into my sons eyes, he's there. He's not lost "in there", he's present. Often time I hear Mothers speak about their children as if their "in there", meaning he/she's present inside their own mind/body, but unable to come out of their shell. I have been blessed enough to see my son every day present, just without the ability to communicate. For that I am thankful for. For those suffering this way, my heart goes out to them. Whether you know someone who has Autism or not, people should always educate themselves.

 I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten dirty looks, judgmental attitudes, and straight up advice on how to "discipline" my child because he has tantrums. It's frustrating because I know some parents do mean well with their advice, but it doesn't always apply to the situation. All I am saying is, just because a child is having a tantrum(No matter how "normal" he/she looks/age) We should not be judgmental, but maybe offer a helping hand or a kind smile. 

Another thing that some people hate, is when you label your kid. Like how I can refer to my son as the Autistic one. I am not saying that THAT is ALL he is. And in no way am I saying that's all he will ever be. I like a label/diagnosis because it gives me somewhere to start. Some where I can educate myself, others, and try suggestions, different methods that other parents/teachers have tried. Not diagnosing your child or refusing to label/say he is autistic is completely up to each individual. For me & my family, we will stick to the diagnosis, work with what we know, and continue to fight for those children with Autism including my son. 



Here's a sheet that is a great start to learning more about Autism. 

Well, as far as the diet goes. I am doing FANTASTIC. I am going to try to work out Mon-Fri this week. I already ran 2 miles yesterday so Monday is covered. I have been doing the elliptical at the gym. I probably will add some light weight lifting by next week. I have been eating salad & chicken for my lean & greens. 

My body is kind of on a schedule now. I don't have to obsess about the next time that I eat because when I forget, I realize that I am hungry around the 3 hour mark. I am extremely happy that the diet is getting better. I am not craving to cheat anymore. I want to cheat more when I am stressed, bored, thirsty, and sometimes unconsciously. I ran out of all my crunch bars and so I think I am going to order more. 

All righty. No more new news on my end besides that I went to the gym last night and am dying from lack of sleep today. I have been staying up too late because there is a lot on my mind. Stressful things, yes, but not as bad as the stress from my car. My car is fixed, I am getting out of the house more, and I am happy :) Wish me luck this week!