Okay, It's been too long. I am back. For reals. I'm back. I took a sabbatical. A wrong turn. A horrible mistake. All of the above. So this was the first huge test in my diet. I never took into account my STRESS & ANXIETY! I have a very strong mind when it comes to negative thoughts, as well as positive thoughts. When I am down, I am DOWNNNN! When I am up, I am UPPP! I don't want to make this into a whole "my childhood was rough" type of thing, but facts are it was. I grew up with a bi-polar Mother. Now, I know that puts me at a higher risk of being bi-polar myself. I am VERY self-aware of myself and my moods. It scares me so much that I might be bi-polar, that I ask my husband on a regular basis if some of my actions seem out of place. Well this whole past 2 months that I have been going downhill. I'm not saying I have it, but I do feel like I have picked up more then bad eating habits. I'm usually good at spotting these mental breakdowns, if you will. This is all very personal to be putting out there, but I just want to share this side of my diet.
It all didn't just hit me BAM, I'm cheating, forget the diet. It crept up slowly and consistently. I started to stress and cheated a little here and a little there. It did take a while to just completely stop the diet and positive thoughts that I built up. One thing I know for sure that didn't help, was when I stopped blogging. I was feeling guilty about letting anyone down mostly myself that I didn't want to continue to write about my failures.
Either way, let's now dwell on the negative and get back in workout/diet mode. Even though I stopped the diet, I kept going to the gym. Just recently in the past 3 weeks I have completely given up the Medifast diet & the gym. I have gained 8 pounds, which puts me @ 228. I'm mad that I have to lose 8 pounds and then I can break that 220 barrier. I am on a mission to break the 200 barrier really. In my mind, I know I can do it. I started my meals at 9am so the next meal will be at 11am or 12am. Still deciding what I am going to do. I think I will try and stay extra busy so that I can eat my salad @12am. I'm excited. I know that I got hella sidetracked, but this will be another great mission for me to embark on. And let me tell you, going completely off the diet has made me realize that what you eat TOTALLY MATTERS! I have never felt so ridiculously GREAT, HEALTHY, and ENERGIZED ALL the way to SLUGGISH, SICK, and MORE DEPRESSED! When I went back to eating all the foods I used to, I felt so sick! It's like my body was yelling SALAD! I craved vegetables and protein more then ever, but because I was in a "I don't care anymore" type of mood, I just suppressed those cravings and ate crap. It really takes a toll on your body. I have never been more tired and sick in my life. Now Im back and I will let you know how the rest of my day is going.
